i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
