You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
