why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
