Just took my morning after pill in the library
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
