you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
