if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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