my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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