Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
