i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
don't judge my taste in strippers
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
