Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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