oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
