When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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