she woke up with a sticky ear
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
