life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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