i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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