walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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