Just cropdusted the office
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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