Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
