I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
