So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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