we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
