My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize