did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
