FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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