she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
