I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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