I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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