I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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