So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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