Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
