also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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