I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
