dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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