so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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