i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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