I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
