Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
