If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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