So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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