I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
