i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
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Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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