I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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