U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
