I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
