If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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