Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
