i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
