Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
