but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
birth control should be required to get into college
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
