remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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