grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
