HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
