i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
