it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You ate ashes out of my bong
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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