I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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