We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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