On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
