WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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