Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
