i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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