This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
