I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
