They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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