She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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