Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
