thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Alive.
So much puke
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
