she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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